The Redhead [entries|friends|calendar] Phil [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[14 Aug 2005|09:36am] so this summer went by really quick. and i didnt even get to see or hang out with half the people i wanted to. a part of me wants the school yer to come just so i can see all of my friends again because ive missed them so much. but then of course i dont want to go to school because its well school. i hope i get good grades this year i really hope i do. Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?

[30 Jun 2005|01:37am] today sucked people can just fuck off Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?

[21 Jun 2005|07:58pm] so im finally updating. last night me and kyle got really drunk and i guess i told angela that i wanted to sleep with her. well you know how that goes. ill update later tomorrow. peace. Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?

[21 Mar 2005|09:42pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | Usher-Caught up ] today was blah. but im goin to California for spring break in TWO DAYS! me am excited. but ill miss all of you. 1 Bitch| Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?

[22 Dec 2004|12:02am] [ mood | depressed ] Well it has been a while since I updated... I've decided to keep this journal ope to the public and that I might make a new journal where I keep my personel thoughts in. Kyle is quickly becoming a good friend and I'm glad where able to talk. Screw it, I'll update about what I'm feeling here. I can trust you guys right? So the holidays are coming. This is a hard time of the year for me. Because just two years ago I remember spending Christmas in the hospital with my brother. Hoping for some sort of miracle. The only thing I wanted was for my brother to get better. But I knew he wouldn't. When you have HIV like one person out of a billion who gets it it won't turn into AIDS. But once the AIDS hits you know your done. Cancer. When you have cancer there is hope. There is treatments that can cure you. Where as with AIDS there is only treatment to make you live longer. Make you suffer more. I watched as my brother lost more and more weight. As he became more and more weak. How his bright blue eyes the same ones that I have sunk deeper and deeper into his face. How when he smiled it looked like it took every ounce of energy in his body. I believe in God I always have and I always will. I just want to know why I don't have a family. A real family. Ones I can sit down with and go through the family history and look at all the physical features I picked up from relatives. I remember when we had to do punit squares and I couldn't do mine. I feel like I don't belong anywhere. Don't get me wrong my new parents are great. But I wish I had a history. I miss Ron. I remember how I went out to eat the night he died. How he had told me to. And when I came back...he, he was gone. Before I left I remember how he had tried to hug me. How skinny his arm felt. How lifeless he was. How he told me to hold my head up high and rememeber who I was and that he would always be there and that he loved me. Maybe he wanted to wait till I was gone to breathe that final breath. I could feel like something was wrong all through dinner. Iwanted to get back to the hospital. And when I got there he was gone. Some how I expected it you know. There was a part of me that knew he needed to die. Needed to move on. That he didn't deserve to suffer anymore. But another patr of me wanted him to stay. Wanted to greedily hold on to that precious piece of life that was left within him. I wanted to cry. But I couldn't. It was like I was dreaming... I don't know. I'll probably write more about the grieving process. But for now I'm done. Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?

[17 Dec 2004|06:43am] friends only comment if you want to be added Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?

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